This, is 嵐

[karened]

My eyes are hurting, my head is aching, I feel drained of all energy. I pulled an all-nighter last night and only took short naps in the day....I probably should go to bed.

But.

I need to let it all out, in order to start afresh tomorrow morning, in the new year. A year without Arashi. All the feelings are crushing me.

It's not like we'll not see the boys (yes, I will still use this term to refer to them even though they are already in their late 30s/already 40 years of age) anymore, perhaps with the exception of Ohno.

But the change is so huge,  I feel I need to pen down my thoughts before the page flips and another chapter opens up.

This is the long post that no one has to read. A post to mark a milestone in my story with Arashi.

The short

I was Jun baited into the fandom in 2005 and grew to love all 5 of them. In the past year, through their actions, they have shown us their professionalism, their thankful hearts, and most of all, their consideration of fans' feelings and experience of them.

The concert is evidencee of all that, and I keenly felt the love they had for fans..

I love them. I did, I do, and I will.

The long (read: VERY long)

My story started in 2005. One fateful day, I chanced upon a VCD in the local video store. It had the most horrible cover image, and in low definition too. But as someone who enjoyed Meteor Garden, I was attracted to the plot summary — it was the Japanese version of Meteor Garden.

I bought it. Watched it. Loved it — till this day, it's the only HYD version in which I liked Doumyouji Tsukasa more than Hanazawa Rui. But at that point, I knew nothing about the actor behind Tsukasa. I loved the opening theme song too, and made sure I paused at the closing credits to find out what song it was.

「WISH」嵐

It was a low definition video, so the characters were blurred. I went right up to the TV and copied this on a piece of paper, not knowing how to read this because it wasn't in simplified Chinese.

There wasn't any internet access at home so I had to search up the song using Yahoo search engine on the school library's desktop during breaks. It was difficult, but eventually I found it.

Arashi.

And then Aibakaland. Vox. When Vox flushed us out, Livejournal.

HJ Split. MediaFire. Mega Upload. Chinese forums. Korean forums. Subbing teams. Proxy buyers. Making online friends (safely). Offline meet-ups for a shy introvert like me. Organising a local screening event for Arashians. Travelling to Japan alone, my first solo trip. Queueing up under the sun and in the cold for the entire morning to purchase concert goods. Lugging back kilograms worth of goods and shop photos. 

Arashi opened up the door to a brand new world.

Because of Arashi, I picked up Japanese again. It was Long Vacation which brought me to my first Japanese class, but I had given up after a while (the class contents was more suitable for adults). It was Arashi which brought me back to studying Japanese, and fueled my continued interest in it. I never persisted in anything (stares at the piano/guitar/ukelele in my room). Yet Arashi made me persist in Japanese. And it was through this that I discovered my love for languages, and went on to learn a couple of other languages. 

Thank you Arashi for creating the environment for me to learn more about myself and to challenge myself with new things.

In 2015, I went to work in a timezone 9 hours away from Japan. As I adjusted to living in a new country and working with new people, I rested from Arashi. Even after returning back to GMT+8, I wasn't active in keeping up with updates from Arashi. I still love them, but they took a backseat in my life.

Came 2019.

No, not in that fateful month.

A friend texted me one day to say that Arashi had announced the launching of official SNS accounts. She isn't an Arashi fan and she isn't interest in anything fandom. But she had chanced upon the article announcing this, and remembered that I was an Arashi fan (she has memories of being 'forced' by me to remember the member names during high school). 

And the IG Live. And then Jetstorm.

But I think the biggest shock to me was....that they are going on hiatus end 2020. Yes, I only realised that in late 2019. I guess, not having been through the initial phase of uncertainty when the hiatus was initially announced, saved me many tears.

In that sense, I am really thankful to Arashi for getting onto SNS and starting to more actively reach out to international fans late 2019. Had they not done that, I might not even know about their hiatus until they are actually on hiatus.

Yes, so from 3 Nov 2019 onwards, it was a year of gratitude towards Arashi, filled with many moments which moved me to tears. It was a long year of farewell to them, in a way that suits them best — one filled with love and gratitude towards each other. I'm constantly reminded of why I've come to love Arashi so much, and for so long.

Below are some moments I can recall right now — there really were so many I can't keep track of them all.

My dreams come true (the I didn't even dare dream version)

— Arashi on SNS. Arashi videos, CONCERT on Youtube (I can finally shre about them without using thumbdrive and computer!)

— Arashi-kai on IGS.

— Arashi in Singapore.

— Updates directly from Arashi.

— Arashi goods online.

My dreams come true (the I finally dared to dream because they showed me the impossible version)
— To visit Freestyle online (4 Nov 2020): Ticket sales on 27 Nov 2020

— To send our Arashi calls to the concert venue (7 Dec 2020): Call preparation introduced on 22 Dec 2020

— Posting requests to them... (5 Dec 2020): The song that caused the dam to be breached on 31 Dec 2020.

Nino on fan spending
I came across this post which talked about Nino's comments on fans spending, and it reminded me of why I love Nino. Not for his acting or voice or visuals (which are a triple kill), but for his perspectives on things.

Fans are not money machines. Yes, we buy goods and they earn from sales. Unfortunately, that is part of showbiz and they too have mouths to feed at home. But beyond that, I always feel keen the sense of care, love, gratitude they have towards fans. It's not all about the money.

Member support
This happened back in Oct 2017, but as I said, I wasn't active in that period.

During the Oct 2017 Mste, Jun reached out for Ohno's hand at the point when the MC introduced Tohoshinki's appearance as their first Mste performance in 6 years, after resuming activities. At that point, Ohno had told Arashi about his desire to take a break from showbiz. At that time, no one knew the meaning this gesture symbolised...My dear 末子...  

Swarovski crystal gift
It's not an expensive gift, but it is priceless. The thought behind the gift, and effort in cutting up the curtain. "May your days be bright and filled with joy". They gave us a piece of their milestone concert tour to keep. One day, these crystals will gather back together again.

Hashflags
I have so many good memories about hashflags (for my own record: here, here, here, and here)

The day when we discovered 10 Hashflags. If each costs US$1mil, that's US$10mil, not counting the 'expired ones' such as for In The Summer and Whenever You Call. They even gave us the fan version of the "Thank You" hashflags, in both English and Japanese, just so we could have fun with the fan version and send them the mutual gratitude we feel.

Music Station SP on 11 Dec 2020

The Music Never Ends is such a beautiful song with positive lyrics. I was enjoying their performance of this in the Music Stations SP (in which Arashi got an entire hour of special section)....until I saw the tears in their eyes as they sang this song, and my heart soured. This is probably the first 'final show' to hit in December, and the first time I see those tears in their eyes....the pangs of pain hit really hard.

Arashi ni Shiyagare 12 Dec 2020
During the Matsumoto Kinenkan section, we found out how detailed Jun is when it comes to concert preparations, including choosing fabric for the inner linning of costumes which will not be visible to the audience. Professionalism.

Listening party 13 Dec 2020
Always learning with Arashi; we discovered this thing called Listening Party together. They organised a listening party and even gave us hashflags to play with. We trended!

The consideration for fans even when it comes to shipping
The shopping bag is shipped separately "due to size" per the official email. What size? Because they stuff it with plastic airbags to maintain the shape. This!

Arashi penguins
Penguins named after the members were introduced at Arashi ni Shiyagare! That is how much they are loved by people from all walks of life.

Arashi Widget
They are going on hiatus. But they launched a widget created just for us, on 16 Dec 2020. It's free so long as you are in the FC. Just that that we don't suddenly feel an emptiness come 1 Jan 2021. So that we can still feel Arashi with us in 2021. So that they continue to put smiles on our face when we see some member-ai, or maybe when we get a snarky Nino photo. 

Gin tap and paper ticket
I was already deeply moved when they announced they would be sending physical to FC ticket holders. Because that is an extra that no one asked for. But then it turned out that they have sent the gin tape as well. You know, the tapes that only Arena seats get to pick up? The ones that we fight to collect? Arashi made sure each FC member received one this time. Which is more than fair, as their usual concerts can only be attended by FC members anyway.

Acknowledgement of fans' feelings
We know, from Jun's Jweb (the one this year in which he responded to an open letter posted by the son of a deceased Arashi fan, and he said they don't do it, as a rule), that they do not single out fans to acknowledge, because when they do so, the ones singled out will feel happy, but the other fans will feel disappointed (the consideration!).

But just one day before the concert, they posted this:

国内、そして世界中からの皆さんの素敵な投稿、拝見しています！沢山のありがとうをありがとう!!

We're seeing so many incredible messages from fans in Japan and around the world!Thank you for all your continued love and support!

It's like, they know it means a lot to us that our feelings get conveyed, that they have heard/seen them. This is a special period, and everyone is just 'desperate' to make our thoughts known to them. And just this acknowledgement, this one post, relieved fans of the anxiety. They didn't single out anyone, but this general message was good enough. I was working on finalising the fan project I was involved in, and this message fueled me to press on despite the tons of to-dos I was facing. They care about the feelings of fans so much.

All the tributes
I like how all the fan tributes in the past year were all about the intangibles. How they inspired us, encouraged us, and the sense of gratitude they showed to people around them.   

We were proud of those. 

I never saw a Thank you Arashi msg/tribute along the lines of "Thanks for topping a chart & doing us proud".  

Because there is so much more to offer.  

Because they themselves don't focus so much on sales (at least not openly, causing stress to us to make sure they get those sales).

And whenever I type the tags, when I see the list of options that appear for the second thank you tag, the warmth I feel deep inside.  

DO YOU...get me?

It's not just fan tributes, but tributes from the industry too...the MANY year end specials/final shows (eg Arashi ni Shiyagare). the numerous posts from their variety shows' staff thanking Arashi (here is one of them I retained), Shibuya 109 ending the year with Arashi, the massive media coverage of Arashi's history in the papers (full page, coloured), the combined tribute CM by the Hello New Dream Project enterprises (some of which are competitors), JAL and many others.

They also finally accepted an award (J&A had been declining nominations for years) at the Japan Record Award. It is an award newly created just for them in recognition of their contribution to the music scene and their widespread popularity over many years.

They are so well loved by people, it hurts to see everyone sending them off like that. Of course, there is the commercial factor for sure (let's not pretend it's all sentimental), but such is the impact they had on the entertainment industry. A combination of sheer hard work, professionalism, dedication, and respect, throwing in some luck.

All the functions they introduced for This Is 嵐 LIVE concert
Indeed, this IS Arashi. The group that is ever so considerate of fans' feelings. This concert is so significant to them, the safe option is to take the easy way out and just make it like any other online concert. Fans will still love it, and they can just focus on their signature stage design and effects. But no, they went with the risky option, which as Jun repeatedly said in the Junbida TVs and also his ENJOY Jweb diary tonight, is a new challenge so they can't foresee how things may turn out.

Why did they risk it?

Because they want to enrich the concert experience for us.

Like Jun said in his Jweb, he wants us to enjoy ourselves, and one element of that is to connect with friends to watch the concert together, which is the reason for the Friends Participation function. It may not seem like a significant thing to watch with friends virtually, until it actually happened. I'm so glad my fan friend joined me in watching the concert together physically. We cried together, and though we didn't say a word to each other, I was saved by the thought that we were feeling the same feelings. It's mutual support.

They even made sure to arrange for a rehearsal with fans so that they can check for potential issues, and even opened a hashtag to gather feedback from everyone. All the hassle, just to try resolve anything that may interrupt the viewing experience. They could have just let it be, and then blame any issues on network connectivity, which is true. But what's important isn't about where the responsibility would lie, but whether fans get to enjoy the concert.

Another thing they did was the requests channel, which is done via Twitter and open to all fans including international ones! This is fan service MAX. Even Jun said in the Junbida TV that he will respond to the requests, which is a big thing because we know that he seldom respond in the midst of a performance. They know how much fun we derive from these requests and responses, and are specially recreating the experience for us, virtually.

When it comes to recreating the concert experience, concert calls also raise the excitement level! Although not a live feed, it was fun pre-recording the calls, and I felt that we were there with Arashi in person. I hope they didn't feel lonely!.

But going beyond the usual concert calls, Arashi also got us to sing and dance with them, pre-recorded. I'm glad it wasn't for Turning Up lol.. GUTS was easy enough to learn, and I appreciate how they had fool-proof easy dance section as well, so that anyone can participate! Ohohohohoh~ in The Music Never Ends got me crying so hard...

I was also deeply moved when Sho mentioned how the Icon Frame is replicating the concert experience of heading to the concert venue and getting excited when you see someone carrying some concert goods, which means you are both headed for the concert. I never thought of this, but indeed, when I see the icon frame appearing on my TL, it's like waku waku! They really do put themselves in our shoes and think of us.

Last by not least, and probably the most challenging one: MEETS CHANCE. It's a ballot, to be projected on monitor screens at the venue. I felt so happy for those lucky fans, and also for Arashi that our representatives are there to accompany them. What's more amazing is that those same screens are also used for stage effects. Dual purpose!

I've said so much about the concert functions, but all of that is themed around the consideration Arashi has for fans. When they say they are trying to build a concert with fans, and one which we can enjoy fully, they were not just saying. Every thing surrounding the concert put their words into action. Even the fact that they had to close sales earlier than planned, just so that it will not cause a burden to their servers, affecting the viewing experience of fans.

The concert

I was fully focused on the concert so I can only recall bits and pieces of what I felt at the concert.

Part 1 was really fun. Although it started with visibly watery tears when Nino, Aiba and Ohno gave their opening greetings, the cheery, fast tempo songs lifted up the mood. 

I noticed plenty of member-ai moments in all sorts of combinations, and was just kyaaing left right center.

Fun dancing to GUTS with my dear fan friend and doing all the calls, waving to the TV screen. The stage effects are superb, as always. Nino slayed in his performance of Brave.

And then, we were suddenly asked to look at the ceiling of the Dome. The requests!!

That was when I got really excited. I made some requests here and had asked this of Juntoshi, "Please strike a finger heart pose together! 二人共に指先でハートポーズお願いします! " Though not Juntoshi, at least we got this pose from SJ! 

My personal favourite is the one where all 5 of them stood in a row and did the winks. You can see who are good at it and who....doesn't have the natural talent. And Jun did as he promised! He did the responses to requests too!!! 

During the MC here, Jun brought up something.

M: I am quite touched by the submissions by fans these few days.  
N: Ah that...
M: They used hashtags related to us, such as "Thank You Arashi" and "Arashi ni Arigatou", and uploaded various videos.
N: Yes.
M: I saw them and am extremely touched.
S: It is touching, really.
M: I'm glad for them. Thank you, really. It has reached us!
N: There are probably people watching us, from around the world. They sang for us, in Japanese.
S: They did.
M: Such as The Music Never Ends.
S: Yes, and such as 5x20.
M: 5x20.

My heart is filled. My final spurt of love in action in the past 7 weeks, is now complete.

Then came the intermission for Kouhaku, where there was a message in Japanese, English, Chinese and Korean, that there is a surprise prepared for Arashi, for us to input a short message for Arashi when they start to sing Kansha Kangeki Ame Arashi. At that moment, I felt the love staff-san has for Arashi. They are indeed very well loved by many!

Part 2 was a cryfest. I can't remember how many times I broke into sobs. I can't remember anything apart from crying, crying, and more crying. And Jun mentioning that the medley was a love letter to us, and to listen to it carefully.

Probably started with Typhoon Generations when Nino said the lyric "さよならじゃないよねまた会えるから" (It's not farewell, because we will meet again). I coulld stop crying as I listened to each line sung in the subsequent songs. In fact, every single song in the concert seemed to be curated specially for delivering particular messages to us. Perhaps I will do a separate post on this another time.

And then in the final stage greeting. Aiba cried. Jun, who doesn't really cry like that on stage, cried, cried so badly. I broke down once more, shaking as I listened to his MC. 

"僕にとっても嵐は夢でした"  
"To me, Arashi is also a dream."
"つらいとき、困ったとき、いつでも音楽はそばにいます。さみしかったら、嵐、聴いてください。俺も聴きます”
"During difficult times, when you are troubled, (our) music is always by your side. If you feel lonely, please listen to Arashi. I will listen too."

Looking back at these words later, this came to mind. Apart from wanting to ensure their music doesn't disappear with the gradual obsolescence of physical cds, Arashi's decision to put their music online might also be to fulfil this: "If you feel lonely, please listen to Arashi. Our music is always by your side."

The final scene had Arashi (in their see-through costume: Reborn) 'disappear' behind a flood of whitelight. Right before our eyes.

Then the closing still image with fans' message submissions running through. Obviously no one would exit until the "Thank you for watching" page shows, so I had a chat with my fan friend while we wait for any possible encore. I'm so glad for her, to have an emotional support with me. As we read the messages, I realised once again, that regardless of where we are from, we are united in our feelings for Arashi.   Everything they said rang true in my heart. When I did the fan video project, I felt the same when I saw photos fans took at places where I took photos too. Indeed, Arashi is the culture bridge connecting so many people together. Our stories may be different, but they share similar themes.

My love for them started as a crush, and then passionate love (oh the crazy and time-consuming, money-consuming things I've done as a fan), then mellowed love. I don't think I will ever love anyone that much again. 

There can never be another Arashi.

But that's ok. As Nino said, create your own colours for your own fans.

Arashi is Arashi. The one and only Arashi, for the one and only Arashian fandom.